3. And it came to pass in the days of 1978 that there arose a generation
of Baptists who knew not Smyth nor Helwys nor Broadus nor Truett. And so it
was that these pseudo-Baptists decreed that all the Baptist world should be
like unto them. (And this decree was first hatched over beignets in New
Orleans.)
4. And their rulers took a big stick and wrote something in the dirt. And
behold, they drew a line of rigidity and conformity. And all they who saw it
were told to place their toes against this line.
5. And so it was that the seminaries were rife with tape recorders (thus
was the beginning of tape ministries); and the classrooms were visited with
a plague of rats who spoke against those who conformed not.
6. And the fundamentalists saith unto these: Thy fools; this day thy jobs
shall be required of thee. And so it was that many were sacrificed on the
altar of fundamentalism. From Baptist Press to the Baptist Joint Committee,
they were brought unto the slaughter. And the blood of the jugulars ran
deep.
7. And they saith unto the women, Why thinkest that thou are equal unto
men? Woe are ye; for it is thou that hast introduced sin into the world in
the Garden; and they became as naught in the eyes of the Baptist rulers; for
they were only dross and chattle. And verily, verily I say unto you: they
were commanded to graciously submit.
8. And so it was that the abomination and destruction continued from the
east unto the west and from year unto year; and the laws of inerrancy and
infallibility were hung like millstones around the necks of those who
refused to compromise and behold they were cast into the outer darkness. And
the tent of the SBC was made exceedingly narrow and it was zipped up.
9. And behold I say unto you that they of the new SBC were an
stiff-necked people and became as decaffeinated Baptists.
10. And the moderates were pricked in their hearts and cried out with a
loud voice against their oppressors. And behold, they sent many a gladiator
into the arena of the presidential election at the SBC. Yea, from Houston to
Kansas City to Dallas to Atlanta, their votes were numbered. And verily,
verily all they who were sent were straightway devoured by the lions.
11. And the mouths of the donkeys were opened all over the convention.
And they reviled and persecuted the moderates and called them liberals and
spake all manner of blasphemies against them. And so it was that they smote
the moderates with the jawbone of many an ass.
12. And it came to pass in the days of 1991, that the Southern Baptist
Convention went unto the region of New Orleans.
13. And so it was that while they were there, they called unto them the
final gladiator – a man named Daniel who was comely and who putteth on the
whole armor of determination. His loins were girt about with integrity and
he wore the breastplate of courage and had on the helmet of hope. And the
moderates saith, "Behold, we have counted the votes, and this time, we
shall surely be given the victory. But yea, they were yet weak and they
knoweth not how to count.
14. And so it was that the man named Daniel was as a lamb to the
slaughter and a sheep before his shearers. And when he emerged from the
lions’ den that was New Orleans, he saith unto the faithful, Woe is me;
for I am undone.
15. And it was then that many of the moderates saith, It is finished. And
they gave up the ghost and departed from that city, shaking the dust of the
Southern Baptist Convention from their feet.
16. And their countenance was cast down; for they were like as sheep with
no shepherd; for they hath no place to lay their Baptist heads; and they
cast in their minds what they should do.
